unsoshabl

Good day all,

I know it has been awhile again. Just been concentrating on life and getting geared up for having a new baby. Yes, I will be the proud parent of a new child. I am excited. Super Excited. The circumstances are less then nominal, but I am hopeful for the best and will provide the best for this child.

I am working hard and trying to get another job on top of the two I have now, just so I can save and try to get a house prior to the baby coming at the end of Feb. It is stressful, but a good thing as it has given my life even more direction.

I get down and depressed still, but I am trying my best not to. It is hard when the situation sucks. But this too, shall pass. 8) I will say that I am very greatful for my friends. The old friends that support me and the new friends that I didnt realize I had. All are wonderful and very supportive of me. Thank you all, even though I know you will never read this, as you dont know its here.

See I am in love with the mother of my unborn child, but she has decided to be with someone else. I dont think it is a wise decision for her, but I will support her in her decision. Perhaps she will see soon that it isnt a great situation for her. Only she can wake up to see the truth of the situation. We had it great for 6 months and that I will keep in my mind and not allow the nasty crap that has happened recently to spoil my memories.

I want to go back to school, but at this point I dont think I will be able to for a little while. maybe a year or two. We shall see. I have had several women ask me out since this whole thing with baby mama has occurred, but I am not ready. Yeh, it would be nice to have sex again, but right now I dont want any emotional stuff unless it is baby mama. I would love to sleep with her again, one last time before she moves, but I dont think that will ever happen again. And that is ok, as I will move on soon enough. I just want to get my life straightened out first.

More to come later, so check back in…

sosh

-sosh

Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that’s the way I should go,
Straight into the mouth of the unknown
I left the spare key on the table
Never really thought I’d be able to say
I merely visit on the weekends
I lost my whole life and a dear friend

I’ve said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I’ve tried

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it’s over I don’t wan’t you to hurt
It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way

I finally put it all together,
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine,
I had to say goodbye for the last time
I kept my whole life in suitcase,
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that’s the way it should be,
You know I’ve led my life like a gypsy

I’ve said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, nevermind
God knows I’ve tried

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it’s over I don’t wan’t you to hurt
It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way

I’ll always keep you inside, you healed my
Heart and my life… And you know I try.

Call me a sinner, call me a saint
Tell me it’s over I’ll still love you the same
Call me your favorite, call me the worst
Tell me it’s over I don’t wan’t you to hurt
It’s all that I can say. So, I’ll be on my way
So, I’ll be on my way
So, I’ll be on my way

In my darkest state of mind
I am riddled with despair
When I try and close my eyes
Your voice is all I hear
I will think of you tonight
I will hold back all my tears
I’ve waited all these years

Please don’t go away
You’re making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
You opened up my eyes
And made me realize
Now its changing everything
It’s crazy how I feel this way
I can’t explain don’t go away

I see your shadow all the time
I see your face inside my mirror
Like a sunset in the sky
You distract me from my fears
I keep holding it inside
And I wish that you were near
It’s better when You’re here

Please don’t go away
You’re making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
You opened up my eyes
And made me realize
Now its changing everything
It’s crazy how I feel this way
I can’t explain don’t go away

All the things you said
And all the games we played
Will come back to you
See the look in your eyes
Ooooh, don’t’ go away

Please don’t go away
You’re making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
Please don’t go away
You’re making a mistake
You and I were meant to be
You opened up my eyes
And made me realize
Now its changing everything
It’s crazy how I feel this way
I can’t explain why I feel this way
It’s hard to say
I want to make you see
What you mean to me
Don’t go away

This is a note from an ex of mine.

I just want to tell you how truly happy I am for you. I’ve been going to write for awhile now and think of you quite often. Every 3 doors down song seems to remind me of you and a whole lot of nickelback. She must be one lucky girl, and I hope she treats you with all of the love and respect you deserve. You are an amazing Dad, life just had a way of making it hard on you from the start I think. Please keep me posted on how things are going. I miss you and I so badly want to think of you being part of a happy family!
Thinking of you…….from Far Away………..

I always seem to be second best, and it drives me nuts….

If not second…. its a higher number.

I want to obtain my goals, my dreams. I want to go to school, but it seems just so far out of reach. I want to own a home but that seems totally impossible. I want to have a family, but that never seems to work…..

Always second… always to far out of reach… always bleh…

I will have my dreams, I will obtain my goals, I will succeed and I will prove all this…. to noone but myself.

I am miserable