unsoshabl

“come my dear lets get this over with”
She reaches for my blood drenched hand
My eyes fixed pupils large and set
Staring at her beautiful body through a tight translucent black mesh garment wrapping her body

with a long dark cloak draped around her neck and down her back to the ground
Her bitter cold gripped my fingers and palm
Ice growing through my now empty veins
As the crystaling reached my shoulder I jerked away
Reclaiming the hold on my life and ripping it from her cold death grip
I scream out in pain as the throbbing of nerves now being rewarmed from freshly pumped blood
Should I could I would I
Take the chance to seduce this gorgeous being of death
Run seduce kill torment
What choice do I make to escape this curse

In a fast and smooth swoop this gorgeous creature was wrapped under my uninjured arm
Her supple firm breast and tough tender thighs pressed hard against me

the cold sending a tremble through me from through the thin mesh she wore
She gasped when as it occurred that turned in to a  long moan
knowing full well if I gave in to my weakness of pleasure
I would never keep my life
a life I now crave, respect, and admire
I slowly kiss her cheek, jaw line, neck
all the while this creature of beauty and darkness moaning
kissing up her neck to the bottom of her ear lobe
I whisper ever so softly, come back tonight
I will go with you after taking you…

To my astonishment she agreed
“with one term” she said
“I must take something now so I know your truthful”
her icey hand grabbed mine and she brought it her mouth
suddenly my right index finger was soaked in bitter cold
as it was now in her mouth
a torrent of pain ripped through me as she bit down
my hand now free, minus a finger
a small chuckle came from this beast
“I have your finger which holds what little confidence you once had”

*please note I had to change the dates to allow them to be in order*

Death came to me this day
Sweetness on her breath as the words poured,
“with sadness I inform you that it is time to pay
A good life you made worthless… you must defend it.. in the highest of courts,
And this court will decide fire or bliss behind pearly gates”
In return I scream “whos choice to decide its my time
I dont agree with others deciding my fate
Even if the hell Icreated is in my head… This is no crime
Not for you them or anyone but me to choose”
Her stunning green and red eyes peircing me from behind her black vail
“my son this if this is a fight… You lose
Clenching that knife to your wrist… You already fail”

“what knife” I exclaim
Looking down and realizing my choice
Realizing my life is so very lame
Pain and Fear shaking in my voice
Blood rolling down my wrist to elbow
weaving in and out of the hair
Realizing I have hit a new low
I really do care,
Why, who, what, how
The questions keep coming
As I hear voices of friends family and foe
So fast and constant like a hum.

“Smart, pleasant, giving and caring” said one,
“Kind, loving, thoughtful and fun” said another,
As I listen from below, the weeps of those I love
My body sitting alone in a wood box,
my life no longer in exsistance,
I can no longer change my action,
I now completely understand regret.

*please note I had to change the dates to allow them to be in order*

I am now thinking it is time for a change. I am tired of being the person I am. I use to be a little more ambitious, goal oriented, and happy. Since the layoff, I have been miserable. I have realized that there is so much for me to do with my life and that I have passed on opportunitys that could have made me so much more of the man I desire to be.

I am ready to get this clothing company off the ground an I am ready to take the risks involved to get it done. If I lose a little money, so be it!

I have been offered free housing on a boat in a marina in San diego. I have pondered this so much. I want to do it so badly, but then again I do twant to lose out on the relationships I have formed here in phoenix.

Right now I am confident, but confused as hell too!

Well today has come and gone. A new day on the horizon and I am looking to a brighter day at that. Today I sat down with a friend here at the bar and explained the clothing company I am trying to start. It was really refreshing to hear someone be excited for it besides me and my partner. A lot of other ppl I have mentioned it to have been some what negative about it in the sense of saying it is going to be difficult and thinking it wont take off and that it is a waste of money.

well on my defense it isnt much money that I am investing. And yes it will be a lot of work, but I am not afraid of hard work and dedication. Exspecially since this will be one of my dreams coming to life. I have been dreaming of this for years and now it is closer than ever.

Anyways, I am excited and looking forward to the challege. We shall see where it takes me.

On the other front lines of my life, it is quiet and there are a few hiccups along the way, but that is ok. Well I sappose it is time to get back to the bar life.

Take care and happy days to you!

Well here I sit another night at the bar being somewhat bored and lonesome. Of course I have my wonderful friends and that means a lot to me. But anyways, tomorrow is a new day. I am working on starting my clothing company, but it is going slow as finances are hard as fuck right now.

I went to work today and of course the bosses were not there. So I left and went to run errands for my mom. While at my moms I called the bosses, but no answer. So no pay today. This is getting frustrating. I mean I am there for them when they need me, but I just dont understand what is so hard about being honest about what is going on. If you cant pay me, tell me and I will still be there for you.

anyways I am tired of being broke. I am sitting at the bar (2 nights in a row now) being broke. I am starving. I had a hamburger, corn, and beans yesterday only because a sweet friend of mine invited me to a BBQ. But like last night I went to bed hungry. I had to munch a little at moms today, but I am sure I will go to bed hungry again tonight. Owell. Life goes on and it prolly wont hurt me to lose a few pounds.
I have been building a site for my friends. It is fun and I am starting the hard stuff like creating a database and front end for it. Fun, but difficult.

I need to find a couple ppl a month to buy websites from me and I can make a living that way until I can get my clothing company started.

anyway, time me to get back looking better than a sloth on a phone being lame.

Take care and post soon!