unsoshabl

“come my dear lets get this over with”
She reaches for my blood drenched hand
My eyes fixed pupils large and set
Staring at her beautiful body through a tight translucent black mesh garment wrapping her body

with a long dark cloak draped around her neck and down her back to the ground
Her bitter cold gripped my fingers and palm
Ice growing through my now empty veins
As the crystaling reached my shoulder I jerked away
Reclaiming the hold on my life and ripping it from her cold death grip
I scream out in pain as the throbbing of nerves now being rewarmed from freshly pumped blood
Should I could I would I
Take the chance to seduce this gorgeous being of death
Run seduce kill torment
What choice do I make to escape this curse

In a fast and smooth swoop this gorgeous creature was wrapped under my uninjured arm
Her supple firm breast and tough tender thighs pressed hard against me

the cold sending a tremble through me from through the thin mesh she wore
She gasped when as it occurred that turned in to a  long moan
knowing full well if I gave in to my weakness of pleasure
I would never keep my life
a life I now crave, respect, and admire
I slowly kiss her cheek, jaw line, neck
all the while this creature of beauty and darkness moaning
kissing up her neck to the bottom of her ear lobe
I whisper ever so softly, come back tonight
I will go with you after taking you…

 

To my astonishment she agreed
“with one term” she said
“I must take something now so I know your truthful”
her icey hand grabbed mine and she brought it her mouth
suddenly my right index finger was soaked in bitter cold
as it was now in her mouth
a torrent of pain ripped through me as she bit down
my hand now free, minus a finger
a small chuckle came from this beast
“I have your finger which holds what little confidence you once had”

 

*please note I had to change the dates to allow them to be in order*

Death came to me this day
Sweetness on her breath as the words poured,
“with sadness I inform you that it is time to pay
A good life you made worthless… you must defend it.. in the highest of courts,
And this court will decide fire or bliss behind pearly gates”
In return I scream “whos choice to decide its my time
I dont agree with others deciding my fate
Even if the hell Icreated is in my head… This is no crime
Not for you them or anyone but me to choose”
Her stunning green and red eyes peircing me from behind her black vail
“my son this if this is a fight… You lose
Clenching that knife to your wrist… You already fail”

“what knife” I exclaim
Looking down and realizing my choice
Realizing my life is so very lame
Pain and Fear shaking in my voice
Blood rolling down my wrist to elbow
weaving in and out of the hair
Realizing I have hit a new low
I really do care,
Why, who, what, how
The questions keep coming
As I hear voices of friends family and foe
So fast and constant like a hum.

“Smart, pleasant, giving and caring” said one,
“Kind, loving, thoughtful and fun” said another,
As I listen from below, the weeps of those I love
My body sitting alone in a wood box,
my life no longer in exsistance,
I can no longer change my action,
I now completely understand regret.

*please note I had to change the dates to allow them to be in order*

Time has come and time has gone

time doesnt last to long,

Miss being a boy

playing with toys,

Now a divorced man

which women choose to ban,

Time will only tell

if life turns out to be hell.

Where are friends

when you need a lending hand,

When you cant escape the hole you have dug

and all you need is someone special to hug.

 

CESII 27Apr2008

Ex’s

 

Forever being a nice guy

A friend I always try,

I sit and listen with contempt

While you all repent,

Often saying you are tired of assholes

Even if they don’t look like trolls,

Many times you look past us

Although with me you have trust,

 

There are some of us “good guys” out there

And a lot of you hold us near and dear,

But only as friends

Most of the time when your relationships end,

 

I have heard many times from some of you

It was me the “nice guy” you want now though,

Even when it’s too late you still try

Even though you once said good bye,

It’s not fair and now I say

You fucked up long ago on that day,

 

Nice guys finish last

It hurts looking into the years of the past,

I have been through this many times

Often once again being punished for doing no crime,

 

Fuck you my friend

Hope you understand this end,

Lately I have heard “I want someone that wants me as much as you want her”

I say to you, this takes time and necessitates being together,

You chose your husband rather than us

Then understand you must,

You chose your boyfriend rather than us

Then now understanding me and my new actions is a must,

You may have blown their trust

You have left me more than once… crushed,

 

Fuck you for that

Who wiped my tears…. alone I sat,

I have now regained and became confident

Alone I feel in this moment,

This will change I can swear

My heart is now under repair,

Without you it will take more time

In my heart forever you will be mine,

 

I know now others want me for me

Sad and lonely I shall not and will not be

As there are a million of you fish in the sea,

You miss and love me you still say

But can you prove that on this day

As for my pain… you cannot repay,

For me you have forgotten now

So now I will give a goodbye bow

As I think I have received my new crown,

Time for me to start over

And you will soon see… I was your four leaf clover

And perhaps your very best lover,

Not talking bout the sex

Or the fact you loved me you said matter of fact

But more friendship was once and still is our pact,

 

I have not given up on you

You said that it is us that must be through

This is all the women I speak to,

I will not forget

And my time with you I will not regret

But the pain in my heart has long been set,

Your once promise of not hurting me

Is now a lie you served to be

For your choices I don’t blame…. The logic I can see

My trust in you will never be redeemed,

 

I have given you all my happiness, love, and heart

But you have chosen to be apart

 

You know no one will ever love you the way I do

But now from you, me I will remove,

For I wish I had skates and a river

For this pain I cannot re-deliver,

 

Take care my friend

This is a new end

Hope our hearts will mend

No doubts together we will be again

 

                                                CESII    11Dec2006

Death came for me today
on my bed he told me to lay,
Are you ready to meet your lord
he asked as he cut the blood cords,
Two quick slashes with the sicle
my wrist felt a little tickle,
There was no pain
until the blood started to drain,
Am I a sick maniac
my mind raced as I began to panic,
As it had nothing else to pump my heart continued to race
but in that fading moment i relized what waste,
My life was worth living
just tired of giving,
This is my all time low
from a body drifted my soul,

Everyone has stop something like this
could be just giving one kiss,
Be werry of what you do
cuz this can haunt you,
Time is a hard thing
but its worth living!

 CESII 26Nov2006